The most troubling phone call you hope you never receive.

Just sitting down to write this post gets my stomach all crampy with anxiety and fear.

That phone call would be the one where I get news that a family member (Nathan included in there) or close friend has suddenly died. The sudden part is important because that would mean that it would probably be tragic and I would not have had the chance to properly say goodbye and I love them and that type of immediate closure. Oh, it’s so scary to even entertain.

Something you’ve always regretted saying.

Oh boy. Is it bad that I don’t have one of these? Not like I’ve never said something that I’ve regretted after I’ve said it, but more like I HAVE BLOCKED THESE MEMORIES SO WELL THAT I CAN’T FOR THE LIFE OF ME REMEMBER ONE. Whoops! But it’s true. I really don’t have anything. What I can comment on is that I’ve said plenty of things I’ve regretted, I’m sure mostly in my adolescence and young adulthood and probably mostly to my mom. I was a vicious, harsh bitch when I was a teenager. A BIOTCH. Also, definitely to ex-boyfriends of mine. They got it pretty bad. Other than that, I really can’t recall. (Note to reader: I’m really gifted at suppression/repression/dissociating.)

Your Favorite Film.

Come ON blog post, COME ON. This is SO DIFFICULT FOR ME. Probably why I subconsciously “forgot” about this post. J/K.

I have no favorites. I just don’t believe in them. BUT. If I had to choose (Sophie’s Choice style) I would have to go with American Beauty. It survives the test of time where if I watched it again today, I’d still be impressed with it. I am choosing this film because it had such a great impact on me when I saw it in the theaters. I imagine many people have a similar reaction: I walked out of there speechless, knowing that what I had just seen would stay with me for a very long time. It was the first film I had seen to date (I was 17) that had that profound of an affect on me. The story, the writing, the ACTING, the cinematography I mean COME ON. Flawless. It moved me in a way that no film had done before. Many films have moved me afterwards, but I think because this was the FIRST (my virginity), I will always remember it.

Your worst experience on an airplane.

Knock on wood I have not had an experience on a plane that would constitute as “worst”, thank goodness. But I have had some annoying, uncomfortable and weird experiences on planes.

For me, the worst experience would have to be any time i get sick and vomit on a plane. Becoming nauseated and potentially vomiting is bad enough when you are alone in the comforts of your own bathroom/dirty toilet, but there is something especially SHITTY about getting sick in front of hundreds of strangers, a handful of which are sitting too close for comfort as you vomit your brains out. It is so embarrassing and disgusting and uncomfortable. Ooh, just the thought of it is making my skin crawl. This used to happen almost every time I got on a plane when I was a child apparently (which was only like 2 times). The most recent experience that my mind is referring to was just a year or two ago when I was flying with Nate to NYC. The turbulence was getting bad and carrying on for a good hour it seemed. The feeling just crept up on me…I think it was a build up from prolonged movement. Just as fate would have it, it snuck up on me as we were making our descent so I could not run to the bathroom. I even called over the flight attendant to ask her if I could as I was going to vomit and she was straight up no, but you can use the bag. I was like biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch?!!?! So, embarrassingly I took that bag and I vomited in it as everyone was staring at me. WORST FEELING EVER.

The last time you changed your mind about something important.

I don’t seem to change my mind about important things very often at all, but I think i can speak to one instance.

Marriage. At this point in my life, I am not sure if I believe in the necessity of marriage within a relationship. I have not changed my mind definitively one way or the other, but what has changed was the feeling that marriage was the end all be all, the eventual destination within any given relationship. That, I no longer believe. I have opened my mind to the many ways a relationship can look: exclusiv vs. open, marriage vs. partnership, one partner vs. poly, children vs. no children, etc. I think that to say that marriage looks one way and is the right way/thing for every couple to ever exist is narrow-minded thinking. To be in relationship is difficult enough, but to put a set of labels/rules/confines around that said relationship without investigating whether it is right for both of you is not a smart decision.

Set Something On Fire.

You are so spot on that I’d have to agree with you. I think now, more than ever, we need to set all of the guns on fire. Completely obliterate guns by transforming them into something useful, safe, beneficial. Since we cannot trust humans to exercise their right to bear arms in a skillful way, nor can we trust them to make intelligent, skillful, smart or helpful decisions regarding the laws surrounding guns, we just need to fucking set fire to them all (maybe even those people too).

Thoughts on your favorite pet’s personality.

It’s good to be back.

Clearly Oliver is my favorite pet because he is my only pet. Just kidding, that is not the only reason. He is also quite adorable and ridiculous and has a distinct personality, as dogs do. That being said, I have some thoughts on this fluffy fucker that used to share a bed with me and is known to drive me crazy now and then.

First, I’m pretty sure he does things when we are gone. Human things. I imagine that the minute we leave for the day, he waits a good 10 minutes to make sure we don’t come for something. When the coast is clear, I imagine him breaking into our weed stash and rolling a personal blunt. After he’s good and high, I picture him either turning on the TV to watch his “programs”, listening to music, or hopping online to catch up on the news via NY Times. Oliver can be pretty pretentious and I often catch him giving me these sideways glances that I imagine are full of judgement. Oliver is a cynical and skeptical guy, and I imagine he developed his worldliness from his 2 years living in NYC and additional lifetime in the Bay Area. He’s an intellectual, really.

Besides his snobbery, he is a gentle and kind soul with never-ending reserves of presence and open-heartedness. He’s quite a catch, I’d say.

Your Dream Vacation.

I’m going to go a little crazy here because it’s a DREAM after all.

So, let’s take a trip on the One World Express for an AROUND THE WORLD VACAY! HAYYYYY! That’s right, this bitch is going EVERYWHERE. I will spend one whole year traveling the world, spending several weeks to a month or two in different countries, and at different legs of the trip invite certain people to join me (They get to choose where they personally want to join in on the travel fun!)

First stop:  South America. I’ll start off by visiting Steve and Lisa in Columbia, then jump to Brazil for a visit to the AMAZON, followed Argentina where I would chill in Patagonia and end in Buenos Aires.

Next stop, AFRICA! I’d head straight to South Africa since I’ll be close, then north to Tanzania for a SAFARI. After straight chillin with some lions, I’ll head more north to Egypt to see some pyramids and the West to Morocco.

Third leg: Europe. Imma be real and say that I will probably spend a significant amount of my time in Europe because its SO VAST. I’m start with Portugal and South Spain (Seville and Granada) and then just move north through it all: France (Paris and Nice), Germany (Berlin and Amsterdam), hop over to see London, hop back to my homeland of Italy and spend a few months there traveling around. Then, over to my OTHER homeland, Albania, and chill on beaches of the Adriatic during the warmer months, hopping to Greece when I want a change of scenery. Now shit is about to get weird as I head WAY NORTH to Norway and Iceland to finally understand why everyone is so happy there and why Bjork is so weird. Fuck Russia. Back down to Istanbul, Turkey where I spent 36 hours in a hotel room listening to a Turkish couple (or maybe it was a prostitute) fuck for 8 HOURS STRAIGHT (no joke), except I won’t be visiting that B & B again.

Fourth leg: Nepal, India. Ride some chicken buses, see the beauty of the Indian people and landscape. Hop down for a week in the Maldives because why not? Now over to Southeast Asia: Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam.

Fifth stop: Japan! I don’t know where to go, but you can help me with that, lova!

Finally the last stop will be Australia (Melbourne) and New Zealand with a vacation (within a vacation to Bali, Indonesia).

…And thus, my life will be complete.

WHAT YOU WERE DOING THIS TIME LAST YEAR.

This is a joke, right? There is NO WAY I COULD REMEMBER THAT! I looked back at my calendar and all I have is that I went to a Latino film fest in the Mission which I do recall and that was fun. I was also just about to start grad school a week from now which clearly was a big deal. But other than that, i got nothing!

What is the most difficult decision you’ve ever made?

Hm. I was going to say whether to move to California or not, but that wasn’t so difficult for me. I have a feeling that I have yet to make the most difficult decision of my life, but if I am to choose one now I’d say it was to get married.

Marriage is for lyfe, bro. Or, that is its intention. So that’s a PRETTY HEFTY DECISION if I say so myself. It feels big and scary and forever, when you really consider what you are choosing (a lifetime partner) which many people don’t actually think that far into it.

It was difficult because it was important and I don’t take important things lightly or easily. My ability to see all sides of a picture is both a gift and a curse because I see the good and the bad, positive and negative, and have to move forward or not with all of that information in consideration.

I freaked out for months before getting married, but that was also because I was going through a lot personally (facing trauma and a lot of shit with my family) so it became a weighted decision with so much at stake. I also have trouble with commitment, so there’s THAT.

But making this huge, weighted decision was really really important and good for me.