This week I had an experience in my personal life that required me to use the skills and resources I personally learned in group access and it felt POWERFUL.
I found myself in a situation with my HORRIBLE ASSHOLE OF A BOSS at work where there was a lot of unnecessary and misplaced anger, aggression and blame coming towards me in a disrespectful way. In a few instances (and always in the past) I would receive that and take it personally, feeling shameful, bad, and small. But, the second time it happened this week, I realized that I did not deserve it and that I wanted to do something about that. I realized that this dynamic I have oft found myself in the authoritative, angry, belittling man figure vs. me, was representing my relationship with my father. And the way that I had dealt with it in the past was no longer acceptable to me. I noticed the anger arise in me and that anger helped me move into action. I wrote my boss a letter briefly sharing how his behavior had made me feel and that I did not appreciate that. It was difficult to write that and I had to consult with people to make sure it was even something I was “allowed” to do which is crazy but real.
And DAMN, it felt so good to make a boundary like that for myself. The letter was not received well and he continued to call me into a meeting and berate me, condescendingly, defensively lecturing me. BUT THAT IS ALL ON HIM. I was so proud of the way I handled it all. I was able to sit there and receive all of his misguided negativity calmly, without getting reactive and without taking it as personally as I would normally. It felt good to stay grounded within myself. I realized that I would not have been able to do that without the experience of group access. Can you believe it?! It has helped me sit in conflict a bit more fearlessly, has helped expand my container for charged emotions, and has helped me distinguish a bit more clearly what is mine and what is not and how to create appropriate boundaries from that place. It was so very difficult and uncomfortable but so worth it and right. I am grateful to my experiences in group access for this life moment. THANKS JESSICA AND SUNI?! Maybe not quite. But eheheh??!?!?